“This is Forever,” a love poem from me to him.

I never thought I would find you.
When all this time you were right next to me. It all happened organically.
We loved each other for who we were first. Nothing sexual like now in days.
We were intellectually attracted to eachother first than physically attracted.
Our attraction grew.
Our friendship was our biggest bond.
Our minds were synched.
Now this is my side of the story.
I have no idea if he felt the same way.
But what I saw was a friend.

Made me laugh.
Made me want to wake up everyday to go see him.
What would I not do for this kid.
I don’t care if we were just friends or is we were like brother and sister or if we went out.
I didn’t care.
He gave me energy.
He was like a drug.
As long as he was a part of my life.. I didn’t care what label he was in my life.
I just wanted to see him.

Talk to him.

Love him.

Yeah he needed me, he needed me a lot.
But what people didn’t see is it was actually ME that needed him the most.
I didn’t have much friends.
Everyone I talked to was basically fake.
The fakest people I’ve ever met were my so called friends.

I thought of life as temporary.
I’m gonna die soon, I might even kill myself.
But love saved me.
His love.

I didn’t want it at first; I was too scared.
But what I didn’t know is that I had already fell in love with him.
Since the first day we talked.
My heart sort of knew he was going to be a handful.
Whole lot of confusing love shit.
So that moment he told he how he felt.
I wanted to run to him.
And kiss him.

And that first moment he kissed me, I wanted to make love to him.
Because there was something there that I never had with all the other relationships I had.
There was trust.
The kind of trust you don’t have with anyone else.
The kind of trust you thirst for when you’re desperate for a true friend.

It came organically.
It’s not temporary.
This is forever.

This is what forever feels like.
When we make love.
Takes me to a galaxy where time is irrelevant.
When we kiss.
He takes me to a place where there is no more pain.
He takes me to a nirvana.
He is my nirvana.
And those precious moments when we laugh hysterically..
He takes me to a place where I no longer give a shit about anyone or anything.
He makes me appreciate the special thing I have with him.
I wouldn’t trade his laugh for anything in the world.
I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Time passes and I grow attached to him each and every day.
Not the bad kind of attached.
The kind of attached that makes me worry about him and makes me want to be with him more and more.
He’s my boyfriend right now, but it feels a lot stronger.
This kind of love doesn’t come to people everyday.
This is rare.

It’s organic.
It’s not temporary.
This is forever.

The want and the urge to live.
To live forever.
To grow old with him.
The love I have for this man makes the impossible, possible.
I believe in phenomenas because he’s made me experience love in so many ways.
He makes love seem like a myth.
Because I doubt people still feel this, I doubt people get to experience it.

I doubt it.

He makes it all worth it.
He makes it all special.
He makes me, me.
Makes me appreciate me.

I’ve gained so much confidence because of him.
He makes me feel like a queen.
Like his queen.

When I look into his eyes, I see a man.
Not an ordinary kind of man.
Extraordinary.

The man that would one day be my husband.
The man that would one day raise our children.
I don’t doubt that he’ll be the best dad.
I don’t doubt it at all.
He’s shown me that he’s the best friend a person can ever have.
And the best soul mate.

I don’t doubt him at all.

He’s the only person I don’t doubt.
I can bet my life that he will become what he strives to be; what his goal is to be.

I trust him.
He trusts me.
I trust us.

Knowing him and knowing me, we’ve known what our weaknesses are.
So we won’t make each other weak.
But we’ll make each other stronger.
We’ll pick each other up like how we’ve been doing it.
We’ve been practicing, because God knows what’s in front of us.

But that’s the beauty of it.

I can’t wait, regardless of the life struggles.
Because from what I know, I have the best life partner I could ever have.
The best motivational speaker I’ve ever met. The best therapist I’ve ever met.
The best doctor I’ve ever met.
Because he’s what has been keeping me alive and going.

He’s my morning after the darkness.

And he’s my joy after the pain.

And when I wake up every morning, I feel like having him in my life was a dream.
The best dream a girl can ever have.
Finally finding her soul mate.
Finding out that it’s real.

That he’s real.
Well you can only imagine how I feel.
It’s rare, it really is.

The feeling of exhaustion trying to find someone that has already been by your side since the beginning of the journey.
The biggest achievement was surviving all this time without you and the best and most amazing award was you.

The feeling of a champion, will be a feeling that I will always have.
Because having you by my side, makes me feel like a winner.
This feeling is rare.

It’s organic.
It’s not temporary.
This is forever.

Autobiography

Aw would you look at the baby.

Fucken miserable hearing her parents fight.

Analyzing words of hate.

Word by word.

Tearing, ripping, shedding her heart apart.

Tears down her face-

You murderer.

How could you,

A heart so fragile.

You worthless piece of shit.

She said,

She knew,

Fuck life fuck friends fuck love.

Let me be a whore.

She said-

Maybe that would help.

Took nudes for dudes.

Without sex.

Duh!

What is sex?

Ew!

Oh. Okay.

Drugs.

Nah, not my thing.

Maybe putting myself down?

Crying every night.

Cutting myself.

Overdosing on pills..

Yeah, maybe that would work.

Illusion.

Wanting love,

Needing love.

She was 13.

He was 18..

Sex,

Passion,

Masturbation,

Illegal,

Prohibited,

Dangerous,

Love.

She thought

He was the one.

Ha! Bullshit.

Fuck me!

She said touch me,

He said suck me.

God sent him; it was meant to be.

She sucked him.

Sucked him good; Sucked her heart out.

He sucked her innocence; Sucked her dry.

She was young,

Hurt,

Manipulated,

Forced,

Unhappy,

Disappointed.

She thought spiritual connection.

He thought sex.

“Fuck me,

I wanted someone to love me.”

Fell again.

And again.

Fell harder. Got harder.

Need sex. Want sex. Want love. Need love.

She was unhappy.

Until she was saved.

Picasso,

Monet,

Basquiat,

Warhol,

Kruger,

Cobain,

Made love to her.

She fell hard.

She found love.

In a world..

Full of passion,

Truth,

Infinite interpretations,

Never ending dreams.

She was free.

She had a voice.

She was infinite.

She no longer had to hide;

Found herself.

And yeah, you guessed it,

That girl was me.

The girl you see is the girl you knew.

A better, updated version.

I might not say much,

Might not express myself with you.

My art does that for me.

But that’s because I hate you and your opinion.

You let me down once and I won’t let you do it again.

Fuck your expectation of me.

I’ll prove you all wrong.

Only I’m in power to what my life is going to be. Of what I’ll become.

I make my own choices.

You manipulative freak.

Who are you?

I’m always bad at this.. introductions.. introducing myself. I guess there’s never a good way to know someone thoroughly with just reading their bio or artist statement. I’ll need to give you more than that.

Weird way to see it, but I’ll be losing my virginity through this new website. Reason being, because I never show the real me to anybody. Only a few people really know me; at least, that what I tell myself. It takes a lot from me, being an introvert, to be myself and not be afraid of humanity.

Its hard to express myself anywhere else that is not my phone or my computer or my mirror. Therefore, I chose to contact the world and humans through the internet.

Through art, explicit poetry, photography, and some weird rambling like this, I will let you all know who I really am.

I am (I was suppose to insert¬†some deep shit that I couldn’t figure out. WTF I already suck.)