These are the moments I fear.
When I’m alone with myself.
My own thoughts, opinions, fears.
The only thing that reminds me I’m alive is my heart beat.
But have I ever lived?
Is there more than just this?
The feeling of isolation.
Of never ending confusion.
Circling my inner thoughts with desperation.
Who am I? Who am I really?
The sound of airplanes in the night sky remind me of you.
The one reading this at this very moment.
Where are you. In time.
Are you as perplexed as I am.
Are you also a 20 year old questioning the purpose of life?
Or are you a 30 year old questioning your marriage?
I’m sorry that human beings have to feel this at night sometimes.
I don’t know whether I’m actually here.
If I’m actually present.
Something about this world tells me that there’s more out there.
Beyond the discrimination and violence.
The poverty and the hate.
These are the nights I rise from my procrastination to actually think of the inevitable.
Of the future.
Dear future me, tomorrow me:
Stop feeling bad for yourself.
Start to actually sleep.
Look around you.
There’s more to life than just your heart beat.